so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
