I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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