Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
