I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
