Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My vagina just recognized that song.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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