he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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