what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
