oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
