why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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