I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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