So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
