if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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