Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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