So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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