I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
