i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
