remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
