Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
