i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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