If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize