I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
