Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
