I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
