Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
