i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
As shirtless as possible
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
