you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
