dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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