But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
