Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
