Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is my gift to your gina
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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