I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
