Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
