i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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