don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
