How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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