youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
