Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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