Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
