headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize