So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
