guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
