i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We just shotgunned beers for America
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
