Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
