I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
