Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can I color on your dick again?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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