this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize