Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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