Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's always time for handjobs
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
