I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
