I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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