Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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