It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
