you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize