The maid of honor just puked.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
