We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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