I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
