happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
